Trust is something that can diminish the older we get, a child looks to its parent as they push the swing knowing they’re standing right behind them, to catch them, should they falter. Children also trust they have their best interests in mind although its sometime difficult for a child to make sense of the incident in the immediate.
As a child, I has just come home from my afternoon at school, I was in the big time, the 4th grade and I was making my way through. As I walked through the door of our apartment I’d noticed my Mother and Grandmother in a barren living and dining room, with a few boxes near the door, they were in the final stages of packing up our lives. when I asked what was going on? My mom’s only words were “We’re leaving this place. We’re moving to Portland.” While I recall feeling sad about the abrupt change, I never once questioned the event just knowing that we were piling into the car and would never return to this apartment, which just a few minutes before had been called my home. While I do not recall much of the thought processing nor conversation my Mother, Older Brother and I had on the way down from Seattle to Portland. My only comforting thought about this place we were moving to was that as we crossed the bridge into Portland (as I now know was Jantzen Beach) I remember seeing a duck waiving(The old Waddles sign) to me and a huge store, which by name, must have been selling GI Joes. I was hooked.
“I Resist anything better than my own diversity, And breathe the air, And leave plenty after me, And am not stuck up, And in my Place.” – Walt Whitman
Sometimes we do not endow ourselves with the trust that we are strong or able to do the things we desire. It’s far too easy to be discouraged without trying, and we equally accept that discouragement as a basis for solidifying our feelings. We have to trust that we are able and strong and each moment, this moment was meant for something.
Years ago, I was a part of a Masonic Youth Organization called DeMolay. Every year the Masons would through an all ages, all youth day of fun, comradeship and togetherness for all the groups around the state. The other two organizations were called Rainbow and Job’s Daughters. The three organizations worked together fairly often in conjunction with fund raising and public service. But this event was all about congratulating all for a years’ good service. While the dance was going on in the other hall, someone decided it would be great to have a talent contest, all were welcome. And in my infinite wisdom of my 15 years, I decided that the one or two years I’d been in choir was good enough for me to sing. I was pretty confident on my song choice “A Rainbow Connection” without musically accompaniment. Mostly because I didn’t know anyone who could play the piano. In my head it sounded like suck a great idea, and today I probably would be far less frightened but much less vocally equipped. But when I stood on the stage, with only the microphone stand between me and the audience assembled (Word had made its way over to the dance hall where my best friend was – and as I saw her standing there, I knew, even with 300 eyes on me, my mouth now dry, my heart beating in my temples, all I had to do was open my mouth and trust the voice would be there. The next thing I knew it was over, there was applause, I didn’t know, that I had completely omitted an entire verse. I was certain by that performance I was not reaching anywhere near the top. I was getting the “You’re a good Sport” prize. So I waited for them to call my name begrudgingly, and they didn’t for a little while, they were getting closer to the top, my heart started beating faster and faster, and there it was… First Runner Up. (Second Place) Not bad for a scrawny white guy who just barely made it through the song, on the inside… It may or may not have deserved the award it placed, but I believed I could, and I trusted I could. The rest was out of my hands.
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely…” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
As we age the trust we so readily gave away before transforms into skepticism. We become leery of not only others intents but even our own motivation, Do we trust in our feelings, in our hearts? Do we trust in our Spouses or Families? What if they are at odds. Do we trust a mentor over our own judgment? Some things do not come without trust and they do not come without love. But they do come. Trust in what you believe, follow what you know, and above all, have faith.
“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” Martin Luther King Jr.