A personal narrative

So here it is. My long awaited paper for a personal narrative.

As you read, I’m supposed to consider these questions. I have an idea on one of them, but I would hope you could help me out.

What do you think the meaningful point or purpose of your narrative is?

Who is your intended audience for your narrative? (and by that she means what type of magazine might I submit it to?)

Personal Narrative Rough Draft

5 responses to “A personal narrative”

  1. Great story! There are so many details and I could picture the two of you in those scenarios having a ton of fun because you were together.

    It is great to get insight on you growing up and things you’ve experienced. The end of that story was pretty shocking… what an event!

    I have to think more about the questions…

  2. Wow, that was amazing to read. Like being there all over again! Only one problem that I saw… I would not have been able to go if you couldn’t, I lied to Mom and said you were already told “yes.” With my luck, she’ll read this and I’ll here about it! Thanks for this story. Love you!

  3. I’m a former writing lab tutor, so I figured I’m qualified to drop in on this.

    I really like your writing style, it totally whups the stuff I did in my 121 class. You’re really good at grabbing a person’s attention and creating a three dimensional world. I tend to plod along methodically and descriptively. But anyway…

    q1: What was the purpose or point? This seems like a classic “road trips bring people together” story. You guys went somewhere, crazy shit happened that required your cooperation, and everything turned out ok.

    q2: I’ve seen stuff like this published in the Nation and Mother Earth News. Newsweek takes person story submissions, but they get a lot per week.

    Further down is some critique of the actual writing. I dunno if you can revise it yet, but here are a few helpful hints from Heloise:

    You should expand more on the paragraph about spackling the wall. That was like the climax of that section, and I wanted to hear more about how it went.

    “The clear night was illuminated by the large pale moon which seemed to
    light the late night sky like a spotlight” Spotlight is kinda overdone, so you might want to think up some other way the moon was doing its lighting.

    I would also take out or rewrite: “except for the ride from the bus depot to Karen’s house where after getting yelled at by Karen for ‘mooing’ at the cows in the fields, to which I retorted, “I’m fluent
    in cow!””

    Also, maybe change “Gina and I have been …” to “Gina and I have been through some good and not so good times since then:”

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