A friendship revised: Personal Narrative

You may remember, I had to write a personal narrative for my writing class. I received a B on that original assignment. Part two of that assignment was; after a one on one with my teacher, we were to revise it based on her guidelines. Her comments were based that I have too many “lovely verbose lists”. She was afraid I would tire my reader, and after my revision, I could gain some of those points back. As you could imagine i’m less than thrilled about this. But, I do what I can to get the right grades. Her suggestion. Cut 4 pages from the original. If you followed me on twitter,you’d know that I was SUPER angry. Well, I feel that I have destroyed the story, and it no longer feels like my “voice” except the last paragraph. I almost made the 4 pages. (I only could, in good conscious, cut so much. So here’s the revision.

Here’s hoping it’s what she wants. I’ve already written the story I wanted.

The road may be bumpy by the trip is worth it (PDF Link)

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