Monthly Archives: March 2011

A change will come…

I’ve had a lot of change happen all at once. Not that I haven’t had time to prepare for the changes, they’ve just all happened at the same time.

Used under creative commons, Thank you AlicePopkorn2! (This picture is PHENOMENAL!)

New Living Situation:
Recently, I’ve left the hamlet of Milwaukie, Oregon and moved to the West side of Portland for the first time in my life. I’ve always been an East-sider and I am excited to get out and explore my new neighborhood. Even though my new place is currently resembling a nuclear blast zone, it’s all mine and I am slowly making it my own “Schnikuary.”

New Employment:
In the same weekend, I ended my employment with RMLS™ in Portland and joined the team at Coldwell Banker Bain & Barbara Sue Seal Properties. I’m excited to learn my new position and help agents understand Technology and Social, and Social media. It’s an exciting time in Real Estate and I’m happy to impart the knowledge I’ve attained over the years to keep others progressing forward.

New Term:
This week, I also embarked on a new term at Portland Community College. While it was to be one of my busiest terms, I dropped 3 of my 16 credits, knowing that I’m not superman and I need to be able to focus on all the other things going in my life and I didn’t want my schooling to suffer.

So much change at once, maybe it was time, maybe it was necessary. Only time will tell. It’s springtime in my life and things are certainly going to bloom.

I cannot say whether things will get better if we change; what I can say is they must change if they are to get better.” – Georg Christoph Lichtenberg


I hate you. This is why.

I hate you. I really do, and here some of the reasons why:

(Used under creative commons, thank you Loving Earth!)

You challenge me, you never let me rest on my heels and say I can’t.
You make me strive to be better, better than I think I can be.
You know I’m stronger, stronger than I want to give myself credit for.
You leave me no way out, even when I’m fighting myself.
You don’t let me be weak for the sake of being weak.
You shine a light on me, when all I want to do is hide in the darkness.
You force me to choose, between “I can’t” or “I can but I’m looking for excuses.”
You open my eyes to things I know I should see.
You don’t let me isolate myself, even when I just want to be alone.
You give me reality when my head is in the clouds.
You toll the bell when I’m lost in the fog.

(Used under creative commons, thank you Jbspec7)

Incidentally, these are also all the reasons I’m glad you’re my friend.

Do You Believe then Belong or the reverse?

I heard an interesting generational statement not to long ago. It referenced the Older Generation’s ability to belong to something then believe in something, the person went on to say that my generation has to be convinced they believe something before they’re willing to belong.

This stuck in my craw.

I’ve been pondering that for almost a whole week. I keep coming back to it. I’ve been involved in so many things recently. Things I believe in, things I belong to, but rarely do I think of the two of them in conjunction. In my experience, if I belong to something, I must believe in it, Right?
Used Under Creative Commons: Thank you to Aftab

I think a more important thing to examine right now is the feeling of not believing, or those feelings when you don’t belong. I think we all have those moments in our lives. We believe what we believe and we’re hard-pressed to be convinced otherwise.

Right now, I’m not sure what I believe, or sometimes where I belong. I think that’s partially due to so many changes happening at once. I, like many of you, am fearful of change; leaving our solid ground, our substantial footing, stepping off the cliff, even to dive into the clearest blue skies.

Right now there are two things that I keep telling myself: I believe I am loved. I belong right here, in this moment.

Both of those things have been affirmed moreover in the last few days, more so than I’ve even been able to express. I try to remember to say thank you, but I may have forgotten so please accept this as my mea culpa if I haven’t reached out to you.

Believe & Belong or Belong & Believe, but do them both with equal dedication.

Are You Talkin’ to Me?

I’ve had an interesting day. Sure I did some of the normal things: shopping, moving boxes, preparing for the next week, the usual things. Those aren’t the interesting parts of my day, I won’t bore you with those details, (I know, usual, right?)

Today I was invited to go to church with some friends. Normally, I would roll my eyes, say thank you, and politely decline. Something told me I should go. I had so much other stuff to do, I could have easily spent my time in other haunts, but today, it just felt like a good idea. Besides, it gave me a chance to hang out with these friends.

I got distracted and when I looked at the clock, I realized that I only had a few minutes to get ready and out the door, so out I went, got in the car, and made my way to the church, parked in the back forty acres and made my way into the church. The Church was HUGE. It had super auditorium seating. Enough about that, normally my attendance, while rare, wouldn’t incite a blog post, but the message. This was pretty strange for me. The message was about isolation vs. community. Hmm.

Some of you may know, I’m going through some rough patches lately, my natural defense is to look inside, sort it out, find the logical answers, deal with the good and the bad and make light of it. Seems easy enough, right? Sure. Normally that works for me. Lately it’s worked, sort of, sure I’m a little downtrodden, but I’m getting over it. Sure, I may be spending some extra time in my head. Maybe guarding myself a little more than usual. I know some of you have noticed it. I know you care, I appreciate it, I do. Do I know how to ask for help, I do; do I know when to ask for help, I do; I think. Sure, I may be burdened, but I don’t want to burden others with it. I know, some of you would easily handle it. I know some of you would really be helpful, I get that.

Anyways, Listening to the message today at church, I spent a considerable amount of time wondering why the pastor was talking to me and my situation? Why do I choose to barricade myself off when I’m feeling a little stressed/overwhelmed. I don’t have a good answer to that question. I just know that I’m feeling a little out of sorts. Why I chose this day to go to church or why the church chose this day to give this particular sermon, I could say I don’t know, I could also say that there was some greater plan involved. Neither one of those do I know for certain are the case. I’ll just say this, I’m holding my head above water, I’m holding on with both hands right now, and it seems that someone/something/somehow, was speaking to me today, I listened, I’m still listening, and I’m still here. And I’m still doing alright, really.

Music: Muse

I’ve been spending a considerable time talking to myself. Not in a crazy person way, but more of an introspective way. I’ve got a whole bunch of things going on in my own personal freeway. The exits aren’t clearly marked, there’s rain coming down, my windshield wipers are barely working and there’s a semi-truck behind me with his high beams on. While I know, all I can do is keep my foot on the gas, change lanes, and keep drinking coffee, this is going to be a long trip. To that end, I’ve been finding myself coming back to two songs. Both by Muse. I had never heard of them until the Grammys this year, which is weird, cause I’m a pretty observant music listener. Anyways, These two songs keep entering my psyche and I thought I should share them with you.

Muse: Resistance

Muse: Uprising

Hope you enjoy them. 🙂

Just a song…

Heard this song today, was reminded of so much. Just thought I would share it.

Personality Profiles

I ran across a personality profile tester that I couldn’t pass up. I’ve seen things like this before, but I had to take it. I’ve found out that I’m:

Your Type is

Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging
Strength of the preferences %
67 1 1 44

I took the test here:

This is what it said about me:

ESTJs thrive on order and continuity. Being extraverted, their focus involves organization of people, which translates into supervision. While ENTJs enjoy organizing and mobilizing people according to their own theories and tactically based agendas, ESTJs are content to enforce “the rules,” often dictated by tradition or handed down from a higher authority.

ESTJs are joiners. They seek out like-minded companions in clubs, civic groups, churches and other service organizations. The need for belonging is woven into the fiber of SJs. The family likewise is a central focus for ESTJs, and attendance at such events as weddings, funerals and family reunions is obligatory.

Tradition is important to the ESTJ. Holidays, birthdays and other annual celebrations are remembered and observed often religiously by this type. The ESTJ is inclined to seek out his roots, to trace the family heritage back to honored ancestors both for a sense of family respectability and for a sense of security and belonging.

Service, the tangible expression of responsibility, is another key focus for ESTJs. They love to provide and to receive good service. The ESTJ merchant who provides dependable service has done much to enhance her self image.

ESTJs have an acute sense for orthodoxy. Much of their evaluation of persons and activities reflects their strong sense of what is “normal” and what isn’t. ESTJ humor is frequently centered around something or someone being off center or behaving abnormally.

ESTJs promote the work ethic. Power, position and prestige should be worked for and earned. Laziness is rarely viewed with ambivalence nor benevolence by this type.

Some men can make decisions and some cannot. Some men fret and delay under criticism. I used to have a saying1 that applies here, and I note that some people have picked it up.
–Harry S. Truman, Mr. Citizen
1″If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.”

The ESTJ is outspoken, a person of principles, which are readily expressed. The ESTJ is not afraid to stand up for what she believes is right even in the face of overwhelming odds. ESTJs are able to make the tough calls.

Occupations attracting ESTJs include teaching, coaching, banking, political office, and management at all levels.
Functional Analysis:
Extraverted Thinking
ESTJs are very good at making impersonal decisions quickly, and standing by those decisions. They live in their Extraverted Thinking functioning, thus, their prime directive is in discovering that which is true and logical in the events of the real world. Circumstances calling for product invite the ESTJ to supervise or direct other individuals toward production and productivity. Extraverts are attracted to the “object,” the external things and people in observable reality. This bent translates into a natural interest in goods and material objects. >
Introverted Sensing
The secondary Introverted Sensing is like that of the ISTJ, but not as strong. Si provides practical form and concept data to the Te head, however, form is not the overriding principle, especially if Thinking has already decided. In times of need, ESTJs are tempted to overlook even necessary information if its absence impedes closure. Secondary sensing sometimes translates into interest in sports. The persistence of primary Thinking gives many ESTJs a desire for discipline and regimen which can be beneficial in skills development in the arena. >
Extraverted iNtuition
As the ESTJ matures, and as situations arise which call for suspension of criticism, Extraverted iNtuition is allowed to play. Under the leadership of the Te function, iNtuition gravitates toward the discovery of broad categories which at worst amount to stereotypes. Those ESTJs who hone their Ne abilities may find success in academia. (I’ve encountered ESTJs whose Ne overshadows the auxiliary Si function–for whatever reason–to the extent that there is an appearance of NT radical geekism.)
Introverted Feeling
This function may rarely be expressed. ESTJs who have cultivated, or have been blessed with, a “natural indirect expression of good will by inference,” have great prospects of developing genuine friendships (as opposed to ESTJs who merely act out the behavior of Extraverted Feeling). Such a weak, introverted function is best observed in facial expression, eye contact, body language, and verbally only by implication.