A New Schnikism: Tired

This is a poem from my recently completed collection of Poems. I wish I knew some way of getting it published.

Tired

Everyone in my life expects me to be so strong, and I am.

I’ve been holding on so long that my muscles feel like they’re about to break.

I just keep pushing on until I find steady ground.

I don’t know how to let go.

I don’t know how to live.

I think I’ve always known who I am;

But I have never been able to find myself.

I’m tired of learning these lessons,

I’m tired of feeling empty,

I’m tired of being the only one I can count on.

I’m tired of feeling hurt,

I’m tired of wondering why.

I’m tired of being afraid of falling,

I’m tired of being afraid to fly.

I’m tired of seeking the shallow,

I’m tired of never seeing the bottom,

I’m tired of feeling this hollow,

I’m tired of reaching the sky.

When will this be real?

When will I find my fate?

When will release this hate?

Will it be when I rise above?

Will it be when I reach heaven’s gate?

Will it be when I find that love?

Will it be when I am I peace?

Will it be when the voices cease?

When will I finally be released?

Must I learn that tonight

I have clearly found for all this time

I must find another soul

Someone I can trust again

There’s never been a force

Stronger than the belief in good

Then one who has always seen

Who has been a strong devotee?

Of the truth, the beauty, and the love

In this world

That hope and strength will

Carry us through

That those who have been closest to you

Have selfishly taken all they wanted

And demanded you give it all up

That you let them free of their guilt

That you let yourself free of their guilt

That you quit searching for answers

That you change everything about you

That you’ll never know how to make yourself whole

Just to appease and cleanse their soul.

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