A New Schnikism: Wishing.

Have you ever wished for something, some outcome, some moment of reality, some happy moment, some validation that all the moments of pain you’ve felt for any amount of time was worth it? That some happy ending would find you?

And then landed hard upon the reality that the happy ending that you had been dreaming about was probably never going to come true in the way you had hoped? It’s at that moment that you realize that all youv’e been through is probably all there is.

In truth, that let down really hurts more than the hurt itself. Yes, I am starting to realize that I was likely projecting the outcome I wanted and it never was going to happen….

“When you loved someone and had to let them go, there will always be that small part of yourself that whispers, “What was it that you wanted and why didn’t you fight for it?”

― Shannon L. Alder

Ive fought for this for just about as long as I can. And I still cannot let it go. The truth is, I don’t really want to let it go. So in this infinite loop I sit. I’m stuck in this terrible mental place.

Still, this moment really sucks. I still finding myself holding out hope that I am going to see your face.

And realizing that I likely will never get the opportunity, will I?

I guess I have to come to terms with this eventually.

Well, that’s all I have to say for now.

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