A New Schnikism: (Poetry Series) Choosing Myself

There are times when we choose to be docile, to be accommodating.

Then there are times we must defend our positions, to declare with our strongest voice: “This is the hill I stand upon, and these are the principles I believe in.”

Friendships are another version of loving, caring, relationships. They must be fair, equitable, caring, loving, compassionate, dedicated, and essential, in order to be valuable.

Throughout my life, I’ve asked one simple request of those to whom I have entrusted my greatest asset: Myself. This is also the one greatest value I place within my friendships: Honesty and Love. These items are the core of our shared experience, the humanity in our shared humanity.

I’ve pleaded with those I love, those who have been in my life as I reach for my sanity, my lucidity, my hope.

Why does it seem that the outcome of this long running torrid affair:
Was to drive me mad?
To shake me of my sanity?
To leave me unhinged?
To force me to take my own life?
What was this all for?
What is it all about?

Just because you set your mind on how this should have gone, how I should have lived my life, does not mean that it will ever be.

What I hope I have taught you is that I am my own man, I have the power of love greater than anyone would ever know. The power of love that no one has yet seen. And in the end, I guess it really never mattered to you what I believed to be true. It never really mattered to you the man I become. And in the end, I will never submit to your will. Because you never really saw me. You never saw how you were hurting me. You only wanted me to feel the pain. That part of the mission you accomplished.

I may be able to forgive you. I may be able to thank you.

But in the end, this question remains unanswered by resounding silence: Did I ever matter to you., do I matter now?

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