A New Schnikism (Poetry Series) Tired

Everyone in my life expects me to be so strong, and I am.

I’ve been holding on so long that my muscles feel like they’re about to break.

I just keep pushing on until I find steady ground.

I don’t know how to let go.

I don’t know how to live.

I think I’ve always known who I am;

But I have never been able to find myself.

I’m tired of learning these lessons,

I’m tired of feeling empty,

I’m tired of being the only one I can count on.

I’m tired of feeling hurt,

I’m tired of wondering why.

I’m tired of being afraid of falling,

I’m tired of being afraid to fly.

I’m tired of seeking the shallow,

I’m tired of never seeing the bottom,

I’m tired of feeling this hollow,

I’m tired of reaching the sky.

When will this be real?

When will I find my fate?

When will release this hate?

Will it be when I rise above?

Will it be when I reach heaven’s gate?

Will it be when I find that love?

Will it be when I am I peace?

Will it be when the voices cease?

When will I finally be released?

Must I learn that tonight,

I have clearly found after all this time,

I must find another soul,

Someone I can trust again.

There’s never been a force,

Stronger than the belief in good,

Then one who has always seen,

Who has been a strong devotee?

Of the truth, the beauty, and the love,

In this world.

That hope and strength will,

Carry us through.

That those who have been closest to you,

Have selfishly taken all they wanted,

And demanded you give it all up,

That you let them free of their guilt,

That you let yourself free of their guilt,

That you quit searching for answers,

That you change everything about you,

That you’ll never know how to make yourself whole,

Just to appease and cleanse their soul.

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